Somewhere I belong
by Gokou's Ichigo Dum DeeDee
Summary: ~Chapter 6 up~ Last Part Memory Arc. The end of 25 years of war and Kakarotto may return to his sister... but will he? WARNING: A/U; OC, OOC R&R!!
1. Breaking the habit

Somewhere I belong

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A/U Song-fic! Don't you love these? Whelp, GOB once again (for all you guys who think this is my first GOB: "Just another love-spell" is my first. It starts off as Shonen-ai though.), inspired by the new Linkin Park CD Meteora and Mirai Cc Hinoko's King of Bandits. Dark, maybe a bit angsty and very sad. Maybe tissue alert, but I'm not good at those, so let's see.

**First chapter song:** Breaking the habit – Linkin Park.

**Disclaimer:** My name's not Chester, Rob, Brad, Joseph, Phoenix, Mike or Akira. So I don't own any of the songs written and performed by Linkin Park, neither do I own Dragonball. Heck, if I would, Gokou would be either with a guy or with Bulma… not with Chi-chi.

**Just for your understanding:**

"Blah" – Talking

_~* Blah *~_ - Lyrics

_Blah_ – Dream/Memory/noise

**Blah!** – Shouting very loudly

Chapter I – Breaking the habit 

_~* Memories consume, like opening the wound; I'm picking me apart again. You all assume, I'm safe here in my room; unless I try to start again. *~_

_"**EYYYYYAAAAAAAA!!!!**"_

_The battle scream echoed across the rough landscape, but it was broken off abruptly. A limp body flew backwards and slid across the ground. Dead._

_Another body was lying on the floor, bloody, bruised and battered badly. The man lifted his head: "Kuso…" He looked straight on at his broken Scouter and the group of unknown creatures in front of him, standing tall. He reached out, trying to reach the small device, but a large foot crushed it. Shock played about his features, then he looked up: "Na… naze ni… naze ni nado ni tsukau…"_

_The creatures above him just laughed and a new voice came from behind them: "Anata Saiya-jin nado ni tsukau tsuyoi, ne?"_

The fallen warrior looked up, clenching his teeth in pain and a fat pink being looked down at him, grabbed him by his collar and lifted him up: "Bokura wa nagai asobi."

_"Naze ta… naze ta kore… okanai nado ni tsukau?", he questioned._

_Everything blurred, so did the words of the creatures. Very few words were understood, but one word was clear: "Freezer-sama." After that, everything cleared again. A man was holding the lifeless body of the one who had spoken with the pink being. Slowly he lowered the corpse to the ground, his face an unreadable mask. With a piece of cloth he cleansed the blood off the face of the fallen, coloring the cloth crimson. His Scouter blinked and he faced the group who had killed his team: "Anata wa!"_

The scene blurred yet again to change to another. A white room with several creatures running around hastily, mainly gathering around a cage. A small boy with a tail and wild black hair was trapped within, looking around frantically for a way out like a caged animal that was about to be slaughtered: "IYA! Okanau shinai!!"

_But they didn't understand his language. So they just gave him a shot, ignoring his screams and pleas. They didn't know what would happen after the substance took its toll on the boy. But they couldn't care less. He was just another object to test their substances._

_The boy whimpered: "Ie… Ie…", and the substance slowly started to work, he felt his insides clench and his heart burn: "**FUSAGU!!!!!**"_

_~* I don't want to be the one, the battles always choose, 'cause inside I realize, that I'm the one confused. *~_

He woke up with a start and quickly scanned his surroundings. The room was dark and empty. He couldn't remember. Where was he? Slowly his brain started to work again and he sighed, relieved that he was safe. His heart was aching. He had these type of dreams quite often, but never had they been so clear. It irked him and he automatically knew something was wrong. Of course, it all had been so long ago. He was safe. But he didn't feel right, as if he didn't belong here. Truth to be told, he didn't, but he never had had a problem with it. 

He cursed under his breath. Damn Senzu beans. Ever since he had eaten his first Senzu bean, he couldn't sleep one night without having to dream about this. The bean had restored his brain damage and now he was cursed to always remember his true self. The true self he had been masking since more than two years. A low growl emitted from his throat. How he hated this game, always hiding his true self and trying hard not to show it. But was it really that bad to be yourself?

He perked up as he heard the door of his room open and close. Soft steps slowly nearing, he couldn't help but tense. But he calmed down, after he saw who it was: "Ah, Popo."

The dark-skinned man with the blank expression on his face looked at him: "Popo sensed Gokou wake up. Why you wake up in middle of night?"

Gokou sighed, keeping his eyes downcast, just in case something was there. But was it really that bad to be yourself? 

"I just had a bad memory, Popo."

~* I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright. So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit – tonight.*~

Gokou lifted his head and for the first time he saw Popo visibly shocked. Heck, who wouldn't be, Gokou mused, resisting the urge to chuckle: "Popo, is Kami awake?"

Popo nervously nodded: "Yes… come…"

The teen mutely nodded and followed the chubby man out of his room, down the hall to a room where he sensed Kami's ki. Popo stepped aside and Gokou stepped in without knocking. He couldn't care less about formalities at the moment. 

The tall Piccolo Daimaou opposite looked up from his place and blinked: "Gokou… your eyes…"

Annoyed sigh: "Yes I know… But that's not the problem. I… I know I promised to stay until the tournament and train, but I can't stay. It's distracting… up here I remember who I really am."

"Who you really are, Gokou? I remember that you dropped onto your head and lost your memory, but…", Kami started, but Gokou cut him off: "The first Senzu bean I took cured the damage. So I also remember where I stored another patch of energy. Please, Kami… it's a far too long story to tell."

Kami looked up into the eyes of the sixteen-year-old, which had taken the odd color of emerald green. Ice cold, emotionless and deadly emerald green eyes. Slowly the color flickered and returned to black. But it weren't the bright and innocent black eyes anymore. The black eyes seemed darker than ever, worn, fiery and tired at the same time. The eyes of a young teenager, but lifeless like those of an old warrior who had seen to many deaths. 

The god looked away: "You will have to convince me, Gokou. Show me how skilled you truly are."

"Thank you.", the teen turned around and stepped out of the room, closely followed by Kami himself. Popo joined them and the trio walked out of the palace to the open area of the lookout. 

~* Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door, I try to catch my breath again. I hurt much more, than anytime before; I had no options left again. *~

He dropped his mask and spoke the way his true self would speak, tired, stern: "I've been Son-Gokou for long enough. It's hard to be the opposite of who you really are and it's annoying. I've been putting up a show for long enough, so long until it became a habit being a naïve yet powerful warrior. So tonight, I'm going to break the habit. Just… don't be too shocked."

Kami nodded silently, shocked already. Gokou noticed, but brushed it off and closed his eyes. He reached inside himself and found it. The creature his enemies had created so long ago. Somehow he felt relieved to feel it, it had been long since he had let it all out and he had missed it. Maybe it was his cursed heritage. Or maybe just his cursed life.

~* I don't want to be the one, the battles always choose, 'cause inside I realize, that I'm the one confused. *~

"Aah… yes! YES!!" 

Muten Roshi wriggled in his seat, grinning like an idiot while staring at the TV screen. We all can guess what he is watching at this hour. But suddenly the picture flickered and Muten Roshi blinked: "What the…?" 

The ground rumbled and he gasped. Krillin came falling down the steps, most probably thrown off balance by the rumble: "OW! What the hell is going on?"

Tenshinhan and Chao-zu came down too. Chao-zu looked even paler than usual: "Something bad is happening!"

"Oh no, not again…", Krillin grumbled: "I died once to many times already."

"You only died once, Krillin.", Tenshinhan noted.

Krillin shot up: "YEAH, BUT THAT'S ONE TIME TOO MUCH!!"

Muten Roshi frowned deeply, which the trio noticed: "What?"

"Chao-zu is right… there's something bad. Its aura isn't standing against us, but… it's still… dark. Powerful and dark. I've never felt a power like that before. It seems almost inhuman and technical… and… it feels a bit like Gokou…", Muten Roshi suddenly noticed, his mouth agape.

~*I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright. So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit – tonight.*~

Gokou felt relieved. Finally he could let out his suppressed power. Kami was sitting on the floor, thrown back from the power surge and the energy radiating from his student. A student who was stronger than his master. A mere human, looking more imposing than god himself. Popo noticed that Gokou's eyes had sprung to life. The worn and tired look was gone, replaced by a dark fire, ready to reel higher when battle ensues. 

The powerful teen sighed and his features relaxed, his power returned back to its normal state. Kami picked himself up from the floor and brushed himself off: "You… are very powerful, I never would have guessed that you held so much power hidden. I'm sure you will beat Piccolo's son with it and save the world."

"I don't intend to fight to save the world.", Gokou said and the god opened his mouth to protest, but he chimed in before the pointy-eared elder could utter a word: "I fight, because it's in my blood. I don't need to tell you reasons why I fight, I just do. Just for the sake of fighting and feeling the adrenaline-rush. I don't know what else I would do other than fight. I guess I would just rot away, tortured by my own memories."

"Gokou…", Kami started.

Gokou interrupted again: "I'm not really Gokou anymore, but if you wish to call me that, go ahead, I don't mind. But Gokou won't fight anymore. I will."

~* I'll paint it on the walls, 'cause I'm the one at fault. I'll never fight again and this is how it ends. *~

The next morning Muten Roshi received a call: "Hello?"

A deep and tired baritone answered: "Muten Roshi?"

"Yes, that's me. Who are you?"

A chuckle: "Of course, you don't recognize my voice. I completely forgot. It's me, Gokou."

"Wha… **WHAT?!!**"

"Don't scream like that!"

"So… sorry… but… is it really you, Gokou? From where are you calling?"

"No, to be true I'm Santa and wanted to ask you what you wanted for Christmas… Of course it's me! I'm calling from a payphone in the southern Capital and this damn thing is robbing me of every cent! I only called to tell you that I'm coming back, because I finished my training under Kami faster than expected. So I should be arriving tomorrow, okay? See ya!"

Click. Beep, beep.

Muten Roshi put down the phone, quite shocked. Then he turned to the kitchen, where everybody was staring at him. Krillin spoke up first: "Is it really Gokou?"

"I don't know… his voice changed quite a lot. Doesn't sound like the little Gokou I used to know at least. But I'm positive. He's coming back. Tomorrow."

Krillin had to try hard not to jump to the ceiling: "THAT'S GREAT!!"

The blue-haired Lunch smiled: "We should call the others at Capsule Corp and tell them to come over tomorrow. I'm sure they want to see him too."

Muten Roshi grinned and picked up the phone. That means he would see Bulma again and her nice, luscious breasts. (DD/N: At first I put there: You know what, but then I thought it sounded a bit lame, so I just put there what it really is…)

~*I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream, but now I have some clarity to show you what I mean. I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright, so I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit – tonight. *~

~~*~~

Finally! My first chapters always suck, so please don't kick my ass for it. I always call my first chaps warm-ups, because they don't get to the point and aren't written that good. Still, review me and you'll get a second chap ASAP. 

Love ya,

Buh-huy,

Melli.     


	2. Easier to run

Sigh… my damn Comp put everything up wrongly! That's why the first part of chapter one looked kinda strange, sorry about that, it really wasn't my fault! I uploaded the text at least six times and every time it screwed up. Stupid HTML-codes… I dunno how to use em and I'm not keen on it. Answers for your reviews at the end! ^-^

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter for preferences.

**Second chapter song:** Easier to run – Linkin Park (I told you I was inspired by Meteora. XD)

**Chapter II – Easier to run**

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~* It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb. It's so much easier to go, than face all this pain here all alone. *~ 

The waves, softly rumbling, rolled onto the shore. But the peace wasn't going to stay. Dark clouds were gathering at the western horizon.

Bulma looked out of the window and frowned: "Looks like Gokou's gonna be soaking wet when he reaches us."

"We should get some dry clothes and a towel ready for him.", Lunch stated and rushed off to find the said items.

"I can't wait to find out how strong he has gotten.", Yamcha grinned: "I've been training non-stop lately, just to get near Chibi's level."

Muten Roshi chuckled: "Yes… but you ain't the only one here."

Krillin gave Yamcha a thumbs-up: "Yeah! Don't forget about Ten, Chao-zu and me!"

Yamcha grinned sheepishly: "Oh yeah, right…"

Thunder flashed and a rumble followed closely. The rain started knocking against the windows and onto the roof in masses. Umigame sighed: "Another one of those tropical storms…"

~*Something has been taken from deep inside of me, a secret I've kept locked away, no one can ever see. Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away. Like moving pictures in my head, for years and years they've played.*~

The storm was getting stronger and stronger by the second and the wind also picked up, almost blowing the few palm-trees of the island away. Tenshinhan obviously was getting worried, because he was glancing outside every five seconds: "Knowing Gokou, he would be most probably flying here with Nimbus.", he glanced outside again and gasped.

The waves were high, they were lucky that the waves lost power before the shore, but yet, they were powerful enough to throw various items onto the safe ground. Even a whole lug was lying on the beach, but that hadn't caught his attention. What had caught his attention was still halfway in the water, a few meters away. It was something black and it was alive. He strained his eyes and looked closer. The figure was trying to drag itself out of the water, its back was rising and falling at an incredible pace, indicating that it cost it every ounce of power it held within. Then a part of the black color slipped, revealing a slim, but muscular shoulder.

"There's somebody out there!", Tenshinhan called out and rushed out of the house to help the person.

The others quickly followed and they all gathered around the black bundle, that was coughing away: "Damn it…", a deep voice. The man looked up to see Tenshinhan, who stared in shock into eyes of purest black. But he was shaken out of his stare, when the man coughed and sunk onto the ground, obviously too weak to stay on his knees.

Tenshinhan kneeled and gathered the man up in his arms, surprised at how light this unknown person really was. They returned into the house.

~*If I could change, I would. Take back the pain, I would. Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would. If I could stand up and take the blame, I would. If I could take all the shame to the grave, I would.*~

"Oi, nan no okanau bokura wa koko ni motsu?"

Terrible laughter followed the mocking sentence. Somebody picked him up by his tail, making him wince in pain. The person squeezed his sensitive appendage, then he whirled him around and smacked him against the next best thing he found: An old wooden wall. Above all unluckiness, a few rusty nails were pointing outwards. With full power the small Saiyajin was knocked against the wall, the nails tore through his flesh and he couldn't restrain the pain stricken scream that was wrenched from his throat: "**EYAAAAAA!**"

Torture. Painful, mocking torture. Slowly tearing apart. He couldn't take this any longer. Death. He could smell it. It was so near. But it didn't take him. Mocked and teased him, waiting for him to kill himself. But he wouldn't. There was one thing that kept him alive. The only word he could say: "Nikushimi…"

"Nikushimi…"

He opened his eyes and sat up, already sensing where he was. He could smell it. The smell of Yamcha, Tenshinhan, Chao-zu and Krillin mixed together lingered in the air and calmed his senses. He was relieved. Safe.

Home.

The word sounded foreign, but here he was at Kame house. Safe and protected. At home. 

~*It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb. It's so much easier to go, than face all this pain here all alone. *~

"Who do you think he could be?", Yamcha asked totally puzzled.

Bulma shrugged: "I don't know, but he looks kinda strange…"

Krillin looked up: "Yeah, but… he looks familiar to me. His hair is so strange, but still I could swear I saw someone with the same style before.", he looked at Muten Roshi: "What do you think, master?"

The old man lifted his head from his thoughtful demeanor: "His energy… it's the same one I've felt yesterday. Dark and technical."

They looked at the old fighter in silence, when they heard soft steps coming from the stairs and turned their gazes to the dark young man standing at the bottom, looking at them through dark spiky bangs. 

After they had brought him into the house, they had taken off his wet clothes and put him in bed. Lunch had laid a pair of Yamcha's clothes ready for the young man, since Yamcha was the nearest to his height. Now he was wearing Yamcha's worn out jeans, but it was far too large around the hips of the young man, so it looked more like a baggy pants than a normal cut jeans. Yamcha's sweater was also far too large, revealing the slim left shoulder of him and covering that, what the pants wasn't.

The dark man pulled up collar, covering his shoulder and he smiled weakly: "Nice to see you guys again."

~*Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past, bringing back memories, I wish I didn't have. Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back and never moving forward so there'd never be a past. *~

"Huh?!"

The group gaped at him in surprise and he cocked his head to the side, his facial-muscles relaxing, so that he looked just as tired as he had when they had found him: "It's me… Gokou."

Everybody gasped and looked him over. It was Gokou's wild hair, it was his tail. But everything else was so different. He wasn't small anymore, neither was he chubby. He even seemed a bit skinny, as if lacking food for a week. But most of all, they didn't recognize his face. They didn't see the happy grin and the shiny eyes of a young and eager warrior anymore. Gokou's face was tired, worn and pale, but still he looked somewhat beautiful and his eyes were darker than ever, only two black orbs, dead and emotionless.

Gokou breathed in and started to speak again: "But yet… I am not."

Oolong laughed, seemingly trying to lighten the mood: "Yeah! I mean you're not the little boy anymore, but now you're a grown man! Welcome to manhood, Gokou!!"

Suddenly Gokou looked at him with his emotionless eyes and Oolong shrunk back. Bulma stepped forward and brushed some of Gokou's wild bangs aside to look into his eyes: "What happened?"

"I…", Gokou stopped. Should he tell them? He didn't want to loose them, he didn't want to see them turn away from him like so many others had done so many years ago. Trust. Didn't he trust them? His friends? The ones he could even call his family?

He sighed: "I… really don't like to remember, Bulma."

"Gokou, you can't go on troubling yourself like that.", Yamcha explained: "I mean… you saved our arses ten times over, bout' time we help save yours."

Krillin nodded and smiled a bit: "Yamcha is right. Anyway… you're my friend… no… you're my brother and I can't see you like this."

Gokou wanted to answer, but he couldn't. Nausea overcame him, created by the terrible pain he suddenly felt in his head and within his opening. The pain was pure torture, so that he didn't notice himself grabbing his head and sinking onto his knees, his legs tightly pressed together.  

~*If I could change, I would. Take back the pain, I would. Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would. If I could stand up and take the blame, I would. If I could take all the shame to the grave, I would. *~

Laughter. A sound he didn't see as sign of happiness anymore. It was cruel. It was terror. And it was pain. His body ached and felt as if he had been cut in pieces and put together again. Maybe that wasn't so far from the truth. They had stripped him in both ways. 

His clothes were gone, nothing more than useless shreds and icy cold air pierced his skin and wounds. The old ones and the new ones. 

His pride, his soul and his heart was gone also, leaving nothing but an empty shell of a poor child and an terrible emotion filled him instead. An emotion a child should never feel. Hate. Pure, indescribable hate. It was a feeling so old and yet so new. 

Again he heard laughter, but words weren't spoken. But the laughter was enough. It was worse than being stabbed by hundred daggers. He would even cherish the feeling of dying. But this… it was mocking… teasing… painful and disgraceful. Death was right in front of him… but it didn't take his life, how much he cried.

Silent tears ran down his dirty and bloody cheeks. The fluid burned on his young skin like fire. Tears. So wrong, yet unstoppable. 

Suddenly he felt someone grab his buttocks. What were they doing? What…

"**GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! FUSAGU!!!**"

More tears fell, tears of pain and sorrow. His body felt as if it was being ripped through the middle. Something rammed into him, again and again, never stopping its torture. Through the pain he tried to focus, trying desperately to find something useful in his brain other than the word 'hate'. 

A strange smell rose into his nose. Blood. His blood, running down his thighs. But there was something else… he didn't recognize, hadn't smelled it before. 

Suddenly the word he had been searching for fell.

Rape.

And now he knew the name of the scent. Sex. 

He didn't know how long he lye there on the ground, silently crying, repeating the painful words over and over again in his mind. 

They had raped him. Taken his innocence and even worse, stripped him of his pride.

Steps echoed from the walls and someone dropped onto his knees next to him. He didn't care. Soft and comforting arms took him in and tried to soothe him. He didn't care. 

"Kakarotto… Toto-chan… Ie… Nan de? Anata watashi no Toto-chan… Watashi miru me de anata shite yoi de nai sore doyona… Toto-chan… Ie… Ie…"

He tried not to care… but he did: "Radditz-nii-san!!"

~*Just washing it aside, all of the helplessness inside. Pretending I don't feel misplaced is so much simpler than change. *~

The memory disappeared, leaving nothing behind and the nausea had disappeared. Slowly he regained his senses and lifted his head in confusion: "Na… Nani…"

"Gokou?"

He blinked and saw Krillin: "Krillin… what…"

Krillin became calmer visibly: "Oh my god, Gokou… you just broke down grabbing your head and kept on mumbling some strange word. 'Niku' something… in the end you yelled something else and 'woke up'. Gosh… I thought we needed a doctor here…"

"No…", Gokou got up and leaned against the wall: "It was just… a memory… It happens quite often at the moment. Something triggers my memory and I can't control it. Just as if you're dreaming and talking in your sleep. Mostly I would be mumbling 'Nikushimi', don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it, he says… you just broke down in front of our eyes and say: Don't worry about it?!!", Bulma asked hysterically.

Chao-zu floated up to their eyelevel: "Tenshinhan had something like that too once…"

Everybody lifted his or her gaze to Tenshinhan, who blushed a bit: "Yeah… but I got over it after some time. I was… always beaten up by my father when I was small and I had real nasty flashbacks ever since. But… if you accept it, you get used to it."

"Oh…", Lunch wanted to say she felt sorry, but Tenshinhan shook his head: "I don't know if it happens with other bad memories though."

"It does.", Gokou whispered and closed his eyes: "It happens with every damn bad memory you have. Every single one…"

Tenshinhan sighed: "Gokou, the best you can do is tell us…"

Gokou smiled painfully: "At least… I don't have to face it alone…"

 ~*It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb. It's so much easier to go, than face all this pain here all alone. It's easier to run. If I could change, I would. Take back the pain, I would. Retrace every wrong move that I made. It's easier to go. If I could change, I would. Take back the pain, I would. Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would. If I could take all the shame to the grave… *~

~*~~*~

Ooh, evil cliffy. Will Gokou tell them? What evil memories and secrets lurk behind the broken façade? 

Yeah, I know, I'm evil. Letting Gokou get raped… I saw a few of those before, so don't flame me for that, please. Now then, on to all ye faithful who reviewed:

**kate:** Here ya go… *serves chapter on a silver tablet*

**minna megami-sama:** Um… soon… ^^°° Gomen ne… not soon.

**Jax:** Phew… ^^ thank you!

**anastashia: **Hope you like this chapter too… (Argh… rape Gokou… *hits herself*)

**Ana:** O__o… is it okay if I don't understand that? Well… uh… Gokou is bad in some part (later)… but he stays good.

**taz madness:** Omg! That was one of the best comments I have gotten ever… *blushes* Thank you very much.

**untouchable-rogue:** It's a B/G. I was once a C/G fan, but I got tired of it, because it's always the same blabber… and C/G don't even now emselves as good as B/G… (I mean, they ARE best friends…). And the thing I love is that Bulma mostly still sees Gokou as a little kiddo… wouldn't it be nice if one day he slams his fist onto the table and shouts: "I'm not a kid anymore, Bulma, so stop treating me like it! I love you damn it!"…. Okies, too far fetched… but it's possible… ^^°.

**Angel:** =3 Thank you.

**child of theirs:** Omg… *eyes grow big*… IT'S CHILD OF THEIRS, WRITER OF MY THREE FAV B/G'S!!! (Gomen ne… I'm very lazy in reviewing…) *runs around like crazy* … Frying pan of doom? GAAAH!! *runs for her life*

**Jax 1:** Eeh… Jax and Jax 1 or are you the same person?? (-- I'm dumb as a rock.) Well uh… I'm continuing. I think I'm starting chapter 3 today even… (even if it's late).

Now then… let's continue with some comments to my plot (it has a plot… wow… O.o). B/G won't be on it's way so soon. The funny thing about me is, I like to hurt my fav characters. (Gokou shrinks into a corner and screams for help.) I like to make them suffer (more screams) and let one person help them most (Bulma pops up and flashes a peace sign.). Slowly, the suffering person suffers less and falls for the person who helps most. Tada! New problem! Hee-hee… the person who helps most thinks the suffering person only loves him/her because he/she grew attached. But no more now! I said too much! ~_^.

Buh-huy,

Melli

P.S: I got all that from reading too much 'Lumen Lunae' by Mineko Ohkami. Read it if you ever see it in a store! ^-^ It's full of suffering and Yaoi! YAY!   


	3. By myself

 La dee da lada… la dee da lada… la dee da lada… Dum DeeDee da… XP Quick German lesson: da = here. Cool ne? Welp, we've got it going on!

**Chapter quick side-note:** The following chapter is a pure and full flashback/memory (Okay, the start maybe not, but the rest). Just for your info, so you don't get too confused about it. It's the kind of writing style I really love, because it's a story in a story. Actually, I could set the whole flashback stuff in one story by itself or put it right at the start, but then it's not so nice to read, because hell, you loose lot's of readers that way. (Many just don't read the flashbacks.) That's why I build it into the story, so that the readers wonder at the start: Hell, what happened? Thus, they read the flashback. XD Smart, ne? (-- That was a hella lot of pointless rambling.)

**New signs:** ++ Flashback (since FF.net is going haywire at the moment) ++

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter for preferences.

**Third chapter song:** By_Myslf (By myself – Linkin Park, Remixed by Josh Abraham & Mike Shinoda, featured on the Reanimation CD)

**Chapter III - By myself**

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(Recall)

"…Mostly I would be mumbling 'Nikushimi', don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it, he says… you just broke down in front of our eyes and say: Don't worry about it?!!", Bulma asked hysterically.

Chao-zu floated up to their eyelevel: "Tenshinhan had something like that too once…"

Everybody lifted his or her gaze to Tenshinhan, who blushed a bit: "Yeah… but I got over it after some time. I was… always beaten up by my father when I was small and I had real nasty flashbacks ever since. But… if you accept it, you get used to it."

"Oh…", Lunch wanted to say she felt sorry, but Tenshinhan shook his head: "I don't know if it happens with other bad memories though."

"It does.", Gokou whispered and closed his eyes: "It happens with every damn bad memory you have. Every single one…"

Tenshinhan sighed: "Gokou, the best you can do is tell us…"

Gokou smiled painfully: "At least… I don't have to face it alone…"

(End Recall)

~* Myself… Myself…*~

Slowly Gokou went to the small table and flopped onto the floor, sighing deeply. The others looked at him questioningly and he looked back: "It's a very long story… you should better sit down."

Confusion rose, but they did as told and sat down on the comfortable cushions around the table. Gokou leaned against the cushions behind him and propped his arm on his knee: "Most importantly, you should know is that I was found by Son-Gohan at the age of ten. I did fall down a cliff, but I didn't loose my memory. I know who I truly am and who my family is. My real name is Kakarotto Satsugaisha.", Gokou stopped for a moment and smiled a bit: "It may be hard to believe, but I'm not human."

Pool blinked. She remembered Gokou's full-moon transformation, but decided not to mention it, since she didn't know in what relation Gokou still stood with Son-Gohan, his so-called Grandfather. 

"Yes, I know about my transformation when I see the full-moon and I know that it was me who killed Son-Gohan, even if it was by accident.", Gokou looked at Pool with knowing eyes: "It's called Oozaru. I don't know how it works, but I know it frees the true power and soul of the transformer. An Oozaru solely relies on its instinct… that's why it kills and destroys more than the transformed person usually does. I say that because the race I come from is powerful, but very brutal and ruthless. We are called Saiya-jins and my home is actually the planet Vegeta."

"Whoa! Rewind that… planet?", Yamcha asked in shock.

The teen nodded: "Yes… I told you I wasn't human. You will find out soon enough why I'm on Earth, even when I can be at home where I should be.", Gokou propped his other arm on his knee: "My family or so-called clan comes from a line of especially powerful Saiya-jins. According to legend, there were five Tsufurin-jin, the race that formally lived on Vegeta-sei. These five Tsufurin-jin fused, so they say, with five warrior gods, becoming the first Saiya-jin to ever live. One was Vegeta Sendosha, he was the first to merge with a god and became the leader, so all from his line are royalty. Then there was Cha Kenko, the third to fuse, she was the first to give birth and all of her line became medics. Next came Kojii Ryoshi, the fourth, he was hunter and is the father of the child of Cha. The fifth was simply called Tan'itsu, everyone not of royal or ancient line is her child, because she was the first to serve Vegeta Sendosha."

"What is with the second Saiya-jin?", Tenshinhan asked.

"The second was the most powerful and fierce of the five, because he fused with the mightiest of the gods. But he left Vegeta Sendosha the lead, because he and Vegeta had always been friends. When he fused, he forgot how to love, but something in him and all of his descendants told him to be loyal to Vegeta. All descendants became the most loyal and the best men of the king, always called Vegeta-O. The second Saiya-jin is named Kakarotto Satsugaisha.", Gokou explained.

Bulma counted one and one together: "So you're saying you are named after this second Saiyajin?"

"Not only named after him. I am the last pureblooded of the Satsugaisha-clan, because the clan chooses one, since there is often more than just one child, of them to continue the ancient line and my father was the chosen one. His brother was allowed to have a child with someone from another clan, nobody cared, but my father had to mate, as Saiya-jin call it, with one of his cousins. My mother is half Satsugaisha-clan and half Kenko-clan. That makes me three quarter Satsugaisha and one quarter Kenko, but it was pure enough for the clan.", the black-maned teen answered: "Since my mother was a mix blood of two ancient, they were even quite happy with it.

"I was the last-born boy in my family. I had two brothers, Radditz and Kojii and a little sister, Cha. When my eldest brother Kojii was born, a war broke out. The one my race served, Freezer, betrayed us and decided to kill us all. I grew up living between bloodshed and the pressure of my clan, I often didn't appear to my training and my grandfather was quite pissed about that to say the least…"

~* What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening. Do I sit here and try to stand it? Or do I try to catch them red-handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness? Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin, I make the right moves but I'm lost within. I put on my daily facade but then  
I just end up getting hurt again. By myself. *~  
  
++

"Come back here, brat!!"

"Make me, old geezer!"

"OI BARDOCK!! PUT THAT DAMN BOOK ASIDE AND HELP ME CATCH YOUR BRAT!!", the old man barked.

Bardock tiredly put his book aside and watched his father chase his 'brat' through the dojo. It was always the same story. He sighed: "Kaka, will you please stop running around and start training?"

The child shot a fiery look at his father: "No way! I want to fight, not train with some old man! Where is Nii-san?!!"

Demanding. Straightforward. Fiery. Bloodlust. Definitely a Satsugaisha, but it was annoying. Bardock wondered if he had been like that as a child, but decided not to breed over it: "Kaka, I won't tell you again… your Nii-san is too strong for you."

"As if I give a damn!", Kakarotto stomped and broke the wooden floor, but as he said, he didn't give a damn about it. 

His grandfather used the anger of the child and grabbed the young Saiya-jins tail: "Why you egoistic, dirty brat! I should blast you to hell for insulting your sire!!"

"Sire my ass! Why the hell can't you be like every other grandfather instead of being some tiring, old and sadistic lunatic?!!"

Sighing finally, Bardock walked over to his father and his son: "Kakarotto, I know how you feel, but it's for…"

"… my own good, blah, blah, blah!", Kakarotto interrupted: "I'm sick and tired of the same old speech!", he fired a blast at the floor and dust whirled up.

"SHIT!! FUCK YOUR BRAT, BARDOCK!!", the old Satsugaisha wheezed and tried to see through the sawdust.

Bardock growled deeply: "If it wasn't for you fucking up his training he wouldn't be constantly running away, Tou-san!"

Wind whizzed by as Kakarotto gleefully sped through the forest down to the city. He had tricked his father and grandfather yet again and knew he would be in trouble with his mother, but it was worth it. He slowed his sprint to a slow walking pace as he reached the city. He wondered if he could find some of his friends, but most probably they would still be in school, so he just walked through the streets and enjoyed watching the other people rushing around in a hurry. The city was bustling with activity, so he had a hard time to find his way through the crowd.

Maybe he could find a challenge in one of the alleys, he thought, so he dove into the dark areas of the capital. He didn't notice that the crowd had been running into one direction only… namely into the one he had come from. 

~* Myself. (I ask why) But in my mind I find (I can't rely on myself) Myself. (I ask why) But in my mind I find (I can't rely on myself). I can't look around (it's too much to take in.). I can't hold on (when I'm stretched so thin). I can't slow down (watching everything spin). I can't look past (it's starting over again). *~

Kakarotto padded through the alleys and found no one, which only mildly surprised him. Only sometimes, if one was lucky, they would find someone to brawl with. Around a corner he noticed someone. Finally!

But then he noticed that this someone smelled familiar. The sharp smell of blood clung to the sweet smell of exotic fruits. He knew the smell and fear gathered within him. It couldn't be: "Okaa-san??"

The figure on the ground shivered, soft sobs emitted from the fragile woman as Kakarotto stepped nearer and repeated his question: "Kaa-san??", almost fearful he kneeled down to her and softly touched her shoulder. She twitched and sobbed painfully.

His eyes stung. But he couldn't cry, not now. He had to be strong, for his mother. Slowly he turned her around to face her. Her cheeks were wet and her eyes red, dirt clung to her beautiful features and bruises covered her naked body. 

"Ro…"

His head perked up at the first syllable of his nickname. Normally he would have told her off to call him that, but now: "Hai, Kaa-san… I'm here…"

"Roro-chan…", she coughed up blood onto his arm, but he didn't care: "Hai…", he cradled her as well as his small body good and sniffed back a few tears. It broke his heart to see his mother in such condition.

She took a trembling breath: "Roro-chan… my boy… please... take care of your sister… I… tell her… when she's older… that… her Kaa-san…", she coughed again: "… loved her…"

"Kaa-san… what… don't say that… you can tell her yourself, Kaa-san! Everything will be okay!!", Kakarotto called, fearing the words his mother was about to speak.

"I love you too, Roro-chan...", her trembling hand touched his cheek: "Sayonara… my son…", her hand dropped.

"Ie… Iya Kaa-san… you can't… no… don't…"

But she didn't react. She was gone.     
A new smell rose into his nose. A smell he had never smelled before… a smell that would haunt him forever. Blood… and death. He could feel the ice-cold arms of death around him, smell the sickening scent and see the blood. 

"**OKAA-SAN!!!**"

The scream of anguish echoed throughout the empty city and faded. Instead, steps came up from behind him. Again he felt it. Death. He quivered and turned around.

~* If I turn my back I'm defenseless and to go blindly seems senseless. If I hide my pride and let it all go on, then they'll take it from me 'till everything is gone. If I let them go I'll be outdone, but if I try to catch them I'll be outrun. If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer, then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer. By myself. *~

Five men, all with a cruel cold face and the same armor with the same crest he would come to hate in future. They laughed at him, while one spoke up: "My, my, what do we have here? The brat seems to be the boy of the whore. Maybe he can beg like her?"

Again they laughed and the tallest of them stepped forward: "Well then… let me rough him up a bit…"

Kakarotto's instincts kicked in and he leaped up: "You… you did this to her!!"

"Smart little bastard… how'd ya guess, brat?", the tallest questioned.

"I can smell it, you idiot. Death isn't a smell I will forget.", Kakarotto growled and his eyes flashed dangerously: "Come and get what you deserve."

"Gladly…", his opponent disappeared.

"Na… Nani?!!", Kakarotto roared in shock, but then his head jerked forward and pain spread through his veins, starting in the back of his head. 

Everything went black, but he still heard their laughter.

They dared. They dared to laugh at a Satsugaisha, the most powerful clan of Vegeta-sei. But… were they the most powerful in the universe, like everyone believed? Why hadn't he seen the blow coming? Wasn't he the descendant of the ancient warrior? The father of the Super Saiya-jin? 

Questions gnawed at his pride. He wasn't almighty. He couldn't save his mother and now he couldn't even save himself. He was going to die… not as a warrior… but as a child… as a hopeless and powerless child. 

He could feel his soul falling apart like his heart had. Slowly crumbling and turning into dust. The feeling of anguish for the death of his mother started to disappear. Why? He should be crying for her… but why wasn't he? Second for second, his pride was stabbed and his soul torn apart. The love for his brothers and father started to crumble along. What was wrong? Instead of crying he was beginning to feel nothing. Nothing but emptiness. Was he dying? He couldn't smell death… it wasn't even near. 

A new emotion now filled the empty space his soul, heart and pride had left. Hate. An inner turmoil started to brew within him. He couldn't even protect himself… how shameful. He hated himself for that… and he hated the five men for killing his mother. 

Another feeling spread through his veins. Rage. Violent rage.

Kill them.

Kakarotto gathered all his hate and rage. He had to get up, get up and kill them. Make them bleed, make them suffer. They had to die. 

Get up.

His body didn't react. His rage soared even higher when he noticed this.

**GET UP!**

~* Myself. (I ask why) But in my mind I find (I can't rely on myself) Myself. (I ask why) But in my mind I find (I can't rely on myself). I can't look around (it's too much to take in.). I can't hold on (when I'm stretched so thin). I can't slow down (watching everything spin). I can't look past (it's starting over again). *~

Laughter. A sound he didn't see as sign of happiness anymore. It was cruel. It was terror. And it was pain. His body ached and felt as if he had been cut in pieces and put together again. Maybe that wasn't so far from the truth. They had stripped him in both ways. 

His clothes were gone, nothing more than useless shreds and icy cold air pierced his skin and wounds. The old ones and the new ones. 

His pride, his soul and his heart was gone also, leaving nothing but an empty shell of a poor child and an terrible emotion filled him instead. An emotion a child should never feel. Hate. Pure, indescribable hate. It was a feeling so old and yet so new. 

Again he heard laughter, but words weren't spoken. But the laughter was enough. It was worse than being stabbed by hundred daggers. He would even cherish the feeling of dying. But this… it was mocking… teasing… painful and disgraceful. Death was right in front of him… but it didn't take his life, how much he cried.

Silent tears ran down his dirty and bloody cheeks. The fluid burned on his young skin like fire. Tears. So wrong, yet unstoppable. 

Suddenly he felt someone grab his buttocks. What were they doing? What…

"**GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! STOP!!!**"

More tears fell, tears of pain and sorrow. His body felt as if it was being ripped through the middle. Something rammed into him, again and again, never stopping its torture. Through the pain he tried to focus, trying desperately to find something useful in his brain other than the word 'hate'. 

A strange smell rose into his nose. Blood. His blood, running down his thighs. But there was something else… he didn't recognize, hadn't smelled it before. 

Suddenly the word he had been searching for fell.

Rape.

And now he knew the name of the scent. Sex. 

He didn't know how long he lye there on the ground, silently crying, repeating the painful words over and over again in his mind. 

They had raped him. Taken his innocence and even worse, stripped him of his pride.

Steps echoed from the walls and someone dropped onto his knees next to him. He didn't care. Soft and comforting arms took him in and tried to soothe him. He didn't care. 

"Kakarotto… Toto-chan… Ie…Why? You are my brother… I can't see you suffer like this… Toto-chan… Ie… Ie…"

He tried not to care… but he did: "Radditz-nii-san!!"

~* Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you, Don't you. *~

Kakarotto grabbed the fabric of his brother's shirt: "Radditz… Kaa-san… she…"

"Shh, Toto-chan… it's okay… Tou-san and Sofu are with her…", Radditz whispered. He didn't dare to look at his brother. 

Kakarotto buried his nose in Radditz's shirt. How could he say that it's okay? Nothing was okay! Everything was a nightmare! How could a nightmare be okay?! 

Radditz just held his brother and watched his grandfather as he tried to calm down his father. Suddenly he heard a soft chant and looked down at his brother. Kakarotto was quivering and his hand clamped around his brother's shirt almost frantically. His eyes had become completely emotionless and not even the sunlight reflected within the black orbs: "Nikushimi… Nikushimi… Nikushimi…"

A tall Saiya-jin came up to him and looked down. His hear spiked off to the right and left a few bangs in his face: "Radditz-chan… what…"

In panic the younger sibling looked up to the elder: "Kojii-nii-chan… Kaka-chan… he… he won't calm down!"

Kojii blinked and kneeled down to the youngest of them: "Kakarotto…"

His brother turned his head and stared at him with his dead eyes: "Kojii… watashi wa… nikushimi… watashi wa Freezer nikushimi… **NIKUSHIMI!!**"

Bardock looked up from the body of his dead wife. He had managed to calm down, but his youngest son was another thing: "Kakarotto!"

His father also stood above the three siblings: "What…"

Kojii looked upwards: "He passed out…"

But still, the chant of the young boy could still be heard: "Nikushimi… nikushimi…"

~*  (Know) I can't tell you how to make it (go). No mater what I do, how hard I (try). I can't seem to convince myself (why). I'm stuck on the outside. Don't you (know) I can't tell you how to make it (go). No mater what I do, how hard I (try). I can't seem to convince myself (why). I'm stuck on the outside. Don't you (know) I can't tell you how to make it (go). No mater what I do, how hard I (try). I can't seem to convince myself (why). I'm stuck on the outside. Don't you (know) I can't tell you how to make it (go). No mater what I do, how hard I (try). I can't seem to convince myself (why). I'm stuck on the outside. Don't you (know) I can't tell you how to make it (go). No mater what I do, how hard I (try). I can't seem to convince myself (why). I'm stuck on the outside. *~

~*~~*~

Cruel and long… O.o… um... I hope I didn't scare you all off with the rape scene… I forgot to put a warning, gomen ne. Well then… I don't know about how many chapters I need to finish the memory arc, but let's just see… jup, you read correctly, Memory arc. The first two chapters are the New Gokou Arc and now it's the Memory Arc (most probably the longest Arc of the fic). After the Memory Arc I'll be having the Heiwa Arc (heiwa – peace) and after that the Cha Arc. 4 Arcs until now… but I'm sure there'll be a fifth… but I don't know what will happen in it yet. This is my very first epic! Yay me! 

To all ye faithful:

**minna-sama no megami: **You hoped for a new chapter soon… but it wasn't soon. Don't worry… ^^ I like glompees. Hee-hee… poor MCcH… she hates em… I always glomp her… (MCcH: *gags*). 

R&R TO THE REST OF YOU GUYS!! PULEEEEEZEEE!! *makes big puppy dog eyes*

Buh-huy,

Melli      
  



	4. Numb

Dum DeeDee da!! ^-^ Wowies… I just posted the last chap up y-day and 2day I'm writing the fourth… hard working… hee-hee. Memory Arc part 2! Yay! 

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter for preferences.

**Fourth chapter song:** Numb – Linkin Park, Meteora

**Chapter IV – Numb**

****

~* I'm tired of being what you want me to be, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. I don't know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure of walking in your shoes. *~

Time seemed to be tired. It had slowed down so much, that Kakarotto thought he was stuck in a time warp. 

He poked tiredly at his food. Lucky beast. Allowed to die so fast and without much suffering. If someone would grant him a wish, he would wish to be an animal at once. But the thought of being the food of someone else quickly canceled the wish and his stomach turned. There goes his already lost appetite. What a waste of food.

Kojii sighed loudly, so that his youngest brother looked up at him tiredly. The eldest Satsugaisha sibling put down his fork: "Kakarotto, you didn't eat since three days… is it that hard to chew?"

"I'm not hungry, Kojii.", the younger mumbled and pushed his plate away as demonstration of his loss of appetite.

A loud squeak disturbed their conversation and they turned to look at the youngest of them. Cha, hardly a year old, bubbled and smacked her spoon into her soup, so that everything splashed out onto the table and into the faces of her elder brothers. Seeing this, she stuck out her tongue and bubbled again.

Kojii frowned, wiping the wetness from his face and was about to give Cha a lecture, when his youngest brother stood onto his chair and took the spoon from his little sister: "Cha-chan, don't play with your food."

The little girl looked up at the younger version of her father and cooed at him. It was obvious that she liked Kakarotto the most: "Ro!"

Kakarotto blinked in surprise, noticing the use of his nickname, then smiled sadly: "Hai, Chibi…" 

"Stop feeding the little brat, Kakarotto… you're the chosen Satsugaisha, so stop degrading your level down to a third-class!", his grandfather stepped into the kitchen and glared at the two youngest siblings, making Cha automatically shrink back.

Kakarotto looked up: "But…"

"No but, you brat! If you continue fathering that kid, you loose out on your training and seeing that you can't even defend yourself from some weak soldiers of the Freezer alliance, you should think about that!!", the eldest Satsugaisha roared angrily: "I've had enough of you skipping your training to get yourself fucked by some low-level soldiers! You're a disgrace to the clan!! If I wouldn't be so generous, I would…"

"FUSAGU!", Kakarotto shouted, stopping his grandfathers rant. The old man automatically became even angrier: "How dare you, little…"

The boy sneered: "I've had enough of you, old man. You think you're better than all of us, just because you were one of the strongest Satsugaisha to live and now you think everybody has to be like you! But let me tell you this, Sofu, I am NOT you! I am not Ryoshi Satsugaisha! I am Kakarotto Satsugaisha and I do as I will!!"

As if trying to coach her brother on, Cha squealed angrily at her grandfather, smacking her spoon into her soup repeatedly. It would have been a humorous sight, if it wasn't for the emotionless and deadly glare Kakarotto had on his face. It was exactly the same look he had carried when he had chanted his hate towards Freezer.

His grandfather, Ryoshi, huffed: "Well… was about time you noticed, brat. Clean up your bitchy sister and get ready for training."

The boy hissed angrily through his teeth, his tail slashing from side to side quickly: "Old fucking geezer." 

~* (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you. (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) *~

The dojo was silent as Ryoshi stepped into it and sighed: "Hot tempered brat."

He noticed the deadly silence: "What the…"

"**GRAAAAGGH!!!**"

The scream echoed through the whole house and made every Satsugaisha leap from their momentary job. Kojii and Radditz were the first to reach the dojo and be greeted by the stink of blood and death. Ten men of Freezer's alliance. Ten against four. 

Kakarotto skidded to a halt behind them and was about to ask what was wrong, but a strong hand stopped him and he turned around to face his father: "Tou-san??"

He noticed a beautiful sword in the other hand of his father and blinked. The legendary sword of the Satsugaisha, always given to the next chosen one if the last one had finished his duties. Kakarotto saw his reflection in the sword and wondered what material it was made of. His gaze wandered upwards to the shaft of the ancient weapon. A dragon opened his snout widely and the blade came forth from it, meaning the blade was the deadly fire of the creature. Broad wings followed and became a soft feathery texture. The boy blinked and looked at the end of the shaft. The head of a phoenix, emerald stones as eyes.

Bardock kneeled down to his youngest son: "Kakarotto, promise me you will do as I tell you now."

Mutely, the child nodded, surprised at the request and his father continued: "I want you to take your sister and run. Run as fast and far as you can, Kakarotto. And don't stop… don't look back."

Again a nod. He wanted to fight so dearly alongside with his brothers and father. But he had given a promise and he was bound not to break it. Swiftly he ran to the kitchen where he had left his little sister and quickly grabbed her: "Gomen ne, Chibi… I hope you understand what I'm telling you… we're going to run now, far away and we cannot stop. I want you to be brave… don't cry and don't make one sound."

He didn't know how much his sister had understood, but he hoped that she had gotten the point to be quiet. He knew very well that children of her age didn't understand as good as an older child would, but his sister had proven herself as quite clever on many occasions. 

Clutching the little girl to his chest, he ran, deeply into the forest and only now he noticed how well his training had done him. His moves were silent and graceful, but also quick and powerful. 

He thanked his namesake ancestor for being the best warrior of the ancient and prayed: "To you I call, father of warriors, hear my plea. Watch over my family. And shall they die today, so tell them they will rest in my broken heart. Forever."

~* I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all I want to do, is be more like me and be less like you. *~

Smoke rose towards the red sky and the smell of death accompanied uncomfortable smell of burnt wood. Cha had fallen asleep in his arms whilst he had been running. Slowly he came forth out of his hiding place and looked around. The house and the dojo had been burned down to nothingness.

Kakarotto felt numb. He felt no pain or whatsoever. The only thing that really ate him was one sentence:

The Satsugaisha Clan is extinct and only two were left. 

With a sigh, Kakarotto laid Cha down into the soft grass and watched her sleep for a few moments. Then he turned towards the rubble and leaped gracefully through the chaos, searching for any survivors. Now that everything was destroyed, he couldn't orientate as good anymore, so he simply guessed and estimated about where he was. His white boots became black from the ash, so did his gloves when he pushed aside some disturbing pieces of burnt wood. 

Suddenly he noticed the faint flicker of red through all the blackness. He stepped towards it and would have cried out if he hadn't been expecting this: "Tou-san…"

The broken body shivered as reaction and Bardock opened weakly his eyes: "Ka…"

"Don't speak, Tou-san… it weakens you only further.", Kakarotto informed and kneeled next to his father and tired to dig him free.

"Kakarotto… it's… no use…", Bardock whispered.

Kakarotto looked at him with sharp eyes: "Don't say that, father. You _will_ hold through.", with that, he digged further, until his fathers body was completely freed. He carried his father as well as he could out of the destroyed house and leaned him against the tree where he had left his little sister. Three survivors… three out of six.

~* Can't you see that you're smothering me, holding too tightly, afraid to loose control. 'Cause everything that you thought I would be has fallen apart right in front of you. *~

Weeks passed. His father healed and they lived with his mother's elder sister, Reiko, who had a child of her own, in the same age as Cha, a boy named Hisoka. But Kakarotto didn't care much anymore. He grew more and more detached from his family and mostly spent his time training alone. Bardock left for another mission with his team to Kannassa-sei and returned with a head injury. 

Celipa, the only woman in Bardock's team, had come to tell them the news from Meat-sei: "I think Bardock-san will heal quickly… it's only a head injury, so don't worry."

"A head injury could conk his memory out and you say not to worry. I wish I had that optimism, Celipa-san.", Kakarotto growled and crossed his arms. 

The woman sighed at the boy's behavior. She had heard from Bardock about the past events and knew about the new antisocial streak of the boy, but she hadn't expected it being this bad: "Your father is a strong guy, K-chan, have faith in him."

"Hn.", came the answer, obviously the best positive reply Celipa would get out of him.

"Listen, if your father heals, please tell him that we're on Meat-sei.", Celipa said: "Vegeta-O wanted to have the system purged totally by today, so we can't wait."

Kakarotto shrugged: "Whatever." (DD/N: Acts a lot like Vegeta, ne?)

With a nod, the woman left and Kakarotto was left with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. He felt something was going to happen and something told him that the team of his father and Freezer's soldiers had to do something with it. With a low growl, he rushed to his room and looked for his armor. He never had the chance to wear it and now was the right time. Even if his father wouldn't permit it, he would follow the team to Meat-sei and help them. The young Saiya-jin slipped into the spandex-like black material and into his boots. Unlike all the other Saiya-jins, who sported either no undershirt or just a normal shirt, he wore a sleeveless and high-neck shirt out of the same material as his pants. Quickly he wore the armor and gloves, then he noticed a Scouter lying in his cupboard. Grinning, he put it on. 

It was one of the newer models, not having only one large earpiece like all the others, but a small one for each ear. Kakarotto fastened the two pieces and pressed a button. The screen materialized in front of his eyes and tinted his whole sight green. Another difference from all the other models, the screen was for both eyes and not only for one. 

Kakarotto threw on a long cape and pulled the hat of it deeply into his face, so that no one could recognize him and hold him off his self-assigned mission. 

~* (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you. (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take. *~

Toma looked around the dull planet and sighed: "Another boring trip. Let's get the job over with."

Panbukin stretched: "Can't we take a small rest from the trip, Toma?"

"No… we've got two more other planets in this system to purge and it's almost time for dinner.", Celipa stated and flew off to find the first village to purge.

The other three followed suit and soon they started their killing spree. 

Toma took a look at his Scouter and noticed that in the northern part of the planet power levels had disappeared: "Oi, mina-san! Check out your Scouters, someone was having his own little playground in the north! Could be Bardock!"

"You think so?", Panbukin asked doubtfully: "I think it's someone else… Bardock doesn't kill so fast."

The ground shifted next to them and they turned. A Meat-jin stood from the rubble: "Ah… Saiya-jins, talking about killing like they talk about food."

"Kara no sakebin fumu!!"

Toma blinked, then he saw something blue whiz by him: "EVERYBODY DOWN!!"

The other three listened to the command of their sub-commander and threw themselves onto the ground. Blue energy sliced through the air and the Meat-jin who had arose from his should be grave lost his head. 

Slowly the sub-commanding Saiya-jin stood up: "Fuck!", he turned to the small boy sitting on a stone nearby: "You could've killed us with that!!"

"Cheh…", Kakarotto threw off his hood: "I highly doubt that. Or do you think I don't know how to control my energy, Toma-san?"

Quickly the only woman of the team leaped up too: "Kakarotto!! What are you doing here?!"

The boy snorted: "What does it look like? Saving your Asses, that's what I'm doing."

Panbukin huffed and stood, since his weight wasn't very easy to handle: "Hah… that brat looks like Bardock."

"Because he IS Bardock's kid. His name is Kakarotto, he's four, but since lately quite a pain in the ass.", Toma pointed out.

"Why thank you.", Kakarotto spat back.

"Don't mention it."

The boy leaped from his position on a stone and looked around: "I got rid of five or six tribes in the north. In the east somebody else is having his toll."

Five Scouters beeped in unison and they turned to where their machines indicated. Behind them stood a group of men. Freezer's men.

~* I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all I want to do, is be more like me and be less like you. *~

"**EYYYYYAAAAAAAA!!!!**"

The battle scream echoed across the rough landscape, but it was broken off abruptly. A limp body flew backwards and slid across the ground. Dead. Totepo was dead.

Another body was lying on the floor, bloody, bruised and battered badly. Toma lifted his head: "Shit…" He looked straight on at his broken Scouter and the group of unknown creatures in front of him, standing tall. He reached out, trying to reach the small device, but a large foot crushed it. Shock played about his features, then he looked up: "Wha… why… why are you…"

The creatures above him just laughed and a new voice came from behind them: "You Saiya-jin are quite rough, ne?"

The fallen warrior looked up, clenching his teeth in pain and a fat pink being looked down at him, grabbed him by his collar and lifted him up: "Let's play a bit."

"Why… how… how did you know?", he questioned.

Everything blurred, so did the words of the creatures. Very few words were understood, but one word was clear: "Freezer-sama."

After that, everything cleared again. His father was holding the lifeless body of Toma, who had spoken with the pink being. Slowly he lowered the corpse to the ground, his face an unreadable mask. With a piece of cloth he cleansed the blood off the face of the fallen, coloring the cloth crimson. His Scouter blinked and he faced the group who had killed his team: "You!"

"Us.", the pink being laughed: "Your team was quite some fun… but I must say, Bardock, your son was even more enjoyable."

"Wha… WHAT?!", Bardock roared in shock and anger: "What did you do to my son, Dodoria?!!"

Dodoria just laughed: "He's a cute little toy. Don't worry, we didn't kill him… yet.", again he laughed: "I guess the kid decided on assisting your team. Did a quite good job even. You should be proud, Bardock. Your son cost me five of my men. But it shouldn't be so surprising… he _is_ a Satsugaisha, after all. But I wonder…"

"What?!", the scarred warrior barked.

"Are all of your Clan such a good fuck? Or just your boy?", the whole group laughed.

Bardock growled deep in the back of his throat: "Why you…"

"Kara no sakebin fumu!!"

Bardock knew this attack and leapt into the sky. The rest of Dodoria's men were killed with one swift move of his son and he grinned proudly. Even Dodoria was surprised and turned around, just in time. His hand was cleanly sliced off his arm and the fat soldier screeched in pain, but he caught himself quickly: "WHY YOU LITTLE…"

He turned around and threw a ki ball with full power at the battered and bruised body of Kakarotto, who could barely even stand, yet alone breathe. Bardock paled in shock and raced down from the sky: "KAKAROTTO!!! DOWN!!"

But the child wasn't fast enough. Far too worn out from fighting and being used several times brutally by Dodoria's men. Maybe Bardock could make it. He sped up and landed just in time in front of his son.

"**AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!**"

~* And I know I may end up failing too. But I know, you were just like me with someone disappointed in you. *~

Dodoria watched Kakarotto sob over the body of his dead father from a stone. He decided not to kill the boy, seeing that he could be useful in future. He knew the child hadn't mourned over the death of his brothers and was puzzled why he did mourn now. Maybe because his father saved his life and threw his away for it. 

"You know kid, your father was proud of you.", he didn't know what possessed him to say that, but maybe he felt sympathy for the child. 

A child that saw it's mother broken and abused, just to be abused himself later. A child that saw his family die and smelled their blood. A child he himself had used. Maybe he was regretting that mistake. The kid surely mistrusted him now. 

The boy looked up from the dead corpse with tear-streaked cheeks and sniffed: "Do… Dodoria-sama?"

Dodoria snorted at the Saiya-jin use of his name, but discarded it: "What, brat?"

"How… how did you get so strong?", the child sniffed here and there sometimes, but fought hard against his tears.

"I trained of course, Baka."

Kakarotto stood up: "Can… Can I get that strong too?"

"Why?"

"To kill Freezer."

Dodoria watched in fascination as the eyes of the child became emotionless and cold. The black orbs almost reminded him of the dead eyes of his prior and the request… it was simple, so simple. He should kill the child for asking such a request and yet… he wished the same. But he didn't have the power to do so. But this child, only a mere Saiya-jin child, he didn't have the power, but the will. 

He heard a familiar voice through his Scouter… Zarbon: "Take him along."

He chuckled. Leave it to Zarbon to figure things out. He got up from his place and walked over to the Saiya-jin: "Sure kid."

Kakarotto's expression never changed. The boy grabbed the red cloth from his father's body and pulled a chain out of his pocket: "Sayonara Tou-san."  

~* I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all I want to do, is be more like me and be less like you. I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, I'm tired of being what you want me to be. I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, I'm tired of being what you want me to be. *~

~*~~*~

This is NOT good. O.o… who corrupted who? Did Dodoria corrupt Kakarotto or is it the other way around? I don't know myself!! *get's swirly eyed*

Now, since the word 'nikushimi' appears (and will appear) quite often, I'll tell you what it means!! (Minna-sama no Megami reminded me.)

Nikushimi – hate

Watashi wa – I

So Kakarotto's sentence 'Watashi wa Freezer nikushimi.' Means: I hate Freezer. Believe me, he'll be chanting that quite often. 

To all ye faithful:

**Kitkat:** *big fat blush* Anoo… thank you…

**Enula:** *faints* IT'S ENULA!!! YEAH!!! *glomp* YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND, ENULA-SAMA!!! (-- I'm an Enula B/G FF fanatic…)

**minna-sama no megami:** *grins like an idiot, because she likes glomps* Nikushimi kinda sounded familiar to me too when I looked it up in my dictionary… but the only Films I watched in Japanese are Kenshin, the Bardock special, DBZ Movie 13 and X… mhm… could be one of em.

**Ana:** Confused?? Why? Did any chapter seem strange?? If anything confuses you, just ask, I don't bite! ^_^

I'd like to introduce now… MY ALL-ROMANIZED ENGLISH-JAPANESE DICTIONARY!! YEAH! What… you thought I know how to speak Japanese? Hee-hee! Fooled you!! I got everything from this nice little thing *pats dictionary*. Further on, the scene where Totepo died and Toma was beaten up is from the Bardock Special (Japanese version). I could have easily taken the dialog from it, but I decided against it because I don't know how to spell Japanese very good. I mean… Arigato gozaimasu is spoken Arigatou gozaimas. Sooo… gomen ne.

Buh-huy,

Melli  


	5. Make yourself

Okay guys… somehow I'm getting addicted to updating at this speed. But only because it's Easter and all my fav shows (Yu-gi-oh (Got a good deck too); Detective Conan and Beyblade) are canceled until Tuesday (from the moment I am writing this: tomorrow). Well then… let's get on with the fifth chapter! (Even if I should be working on my Gokou/King Vegeta Yaoi.)

**Warning:** *makes chocking noises* A lot of torturous murder… *hack*

**Disclaimer:** *sighs* Do I have to repeat that???

**Fifth chapter song:** Figure.09 – Linkin Park, Meteora

**Chapter V – Make yourself**

(Because Figure.09 as title would be confusing.)****   
   
~* Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them, sometimes I wonder why this is happening. It's like nothing I can do will distract me when I think of how I shot myself in the back again. 'Cause from the infinite words I could say, I put all the pain you gave to me on display, but didn't realize instead of setting it free I took what I hated and made it a part of me. (It never goes away, it never goes away.) ~*

Blood. So much blood. It was everywhere, on the walls, on the floor, on the ceiling and worst of all… it was on him. On his entire body. Red crimson soaked into his clothes, his hair and dripped from his hands. He never had a problem with killing… but this… it was… it wasn't murder. It couldn't be. So dreadful, so painful. 

Kakarotto had completely lost the track of time. He didn't know how long it had been since Dodoria had took him to Freezer. They told him he would gain so much power that it seemed surreal. Told him he would be stronger than everybody else and he believed. Not that he had lost his will, he still believed that he could become stronger than Freezer, but the path given to him was full of obstacles. According to Zarbon, obstacles are supposed to be there, to try to stop him, take him off his path towards power and that these obstacles are to be destroyed. Literally. 

And here he was. Destroying obstacles or worded differently… killing, murdering, torturing. Never before had he know so many ways of dying. But here he was.

The door slid open and Zarbon stepped in. He may be standing with his back facing the green-haired soldier, but he sixth sense told him so. Zarbon observed the room, not caring that he was stepping on what had once been an alive soldier. Bones cracked and crunched and Kakarotto clenched his teeth at the sound. Every time someone else broke bones he felt for a moment jealous, wishing he could be the one creating the sound, but he always quickly locked the thought away into the deepest pits of his mind. 

"Nice, very nice.", Zarbon praised and came to an halt next to Kakarotto and looked down at the lump of something. The soldier scrunched up his nose, not liking the sight: "Gee, kid, what did you do to this one?"

"Do you really want to know that? I wouldn't…"

Both of them looked up to Dodoria, who was standing to Kakarotto's left. Zarbon chuckled: "Oi, Dodoria… I guess you ate already. Well then, Kakarotto… give me the full information of your procedure on… ugh… what number was this anyway?"

"Number 468.", Kakarotto answered monotone: "Skinned him, broke his bones, turned his insides out and stuffed his heart down his throat."

"I should have listened to Dodoria…", the slimmer of his two teachers mumbled. In the back Dodoria was chocking and coughing, trying hard not to empty his full stomach: "Hundred ways to kill… did Freezer really have to teach all ways to the brat?"

"Of course, Dodoria.", came an amused reply as Freezer walked into the room.

All three occupants bowed down in played respect. They were all three from different quadrants of the universe, but one thing they had in common: All three despised Freezer, although Kakarotto carried the greatest hatred towards the lizard-like warlord. 

Freezer looked down in amusement at '468': "Ah… my favorite… too bad most of them die already after skinning. Did this one survive at least the inside-out, K-chan?"

Kakarotto bit his lip to stop sneering at the nickname: "Longer."

The warlord smirked: "Seems like my little Saiya-jin pet found a way to make them suffer until the bitter end. Very good. Zarbon… get one more in here."

"Yes, Freezer-sama.", Zarbon saluted and went out to fetch one more training-partner, even though it should rather be called prey.

"K-chan, I want you to show me your favorite killing method…", Freezer kneeled down to look into the deadly eyes of the Saiya-jin and chuckled: "Since I shared my favorite with you.", he grabbed Kakarotto's jaw and yanked the child nearer to him, so that he could cleanse away the blood on the young face with his tongue. 

Kakarotto growled low in his throat and when Freezer let off him, he wiped away the saliva left behind and spit onto the floor, obviously showing how much he despised the treatment. Dodoria shuddered, imagining himself doing that. Oh, he would have died by now if he had. But Kakarotto always got away with it, no matter what he did. The boy had even once tried to slice the tail off the lizard and Freezer had just laughed and called the Saiya-jin child nothing more but a naughty boy, what had made Kakarotto deadly furious. The fat soldier knew better than to get into the way of the kid then. He had already felt more than once the hot-blooded temperament of the young Satsugaisha, not only meaning his cleanly sliced off hand. 

~* And now you've become a part of me, you'll always be right here. You've become a part of me, you'll always be my fear. I can't separate myself from what I've done. I've given up a part of me. I've let myself become you. *~

Zarbon dragged the newest victim into the room, ignoring the ear-splitting screams the female was making, even if it was a hard task. Kakarotto flinched a bit and Zarbon had to suppress a laugh, knowing quite well of the keen hearing of the Saiya-jin. 

Freezer nodded and Zarbon threw the screaming female onto the floor. 

"Shut her up, Kakarotto… I'm getting a headache.", Dodoria hissed, holding his ears closed.

"Sissy.", Kakarotto smirked at the fat soldier and moved forward. The female screamed even louder and tried to move back, but then she met the blood stained wall.

Kakarotto turned for a moment to Freezer, awaiting his orders. He knew better than to do something without a clear order. The lizard-like warlord grinned: "Get rid of her."

"Hai, Freezer-sama.", the Saiya-jin boy turned to his victim and rushed forward, slamming his small fist into the stomach of the woman. Her screams were silenced and she stared at the boy in fear as he dug his hand into her flesh. Deeper and deeper, until his arm was fully inside of her, sneaking up towards her heart painfully slow. 

She knew what he wanted to do: "Saiya-jin… cursed Saiya-jin… The gods gave you their power… and you use it for the joy of killing… the gods have smiled upon you, boy… but now they are sick and sad of you… curse you.", she took a quivering breath and spoke deadly silent, that only he could hear it: "Cursed child of the warrior god, fate has led you into a fraud. For every drop of blood you will pay, this is a dying soul's way. Under the sun others will suffer for your favor, but at night it is their turn to haunt you and that moment they will savior. Hear my family mourn my loss, in your sleep you will toss and turn, forever and in eternity in hell you will burn! **Too all god's I call, curse the devil's child!!**"

"Baka Onna.", Kakarotto cursed and squished the heart of the woman in his palm.

Freezer laughed and clapped: "Very dramatic, my pet! Now, if you will excuse me, I have a meeting with my father. Come Dodoria."

"Very well, my lord.", Dodoria bowed and followed the lizard out.

Zarbon turned to Kakarotto, who blasted the woman to bits. The green-skinned soldier sighed: "Kakarotto… what did she tell you?"

"Nothing important."

"Tell me."

Kakarotto stared at the remaining ashes of the woman: "It… it was some sort of curse, Zarbon. I don't know what to make of it."

Zarbon held his breath. A curse. He knew the power of curses, he himself carried one that made him transform into a monster whenever he killed someone. The soldier sighed: "Kakarotto… what did she tell you?"

The Saiya-jin repeated her words and Zarbon shook his head: "Take sleeping pills tonight, Kakarotto… I can't guarantee you if the curse is true." 

"You believe it?", the boy asked skeptically.

"Yes… I am cursed myself, boy. Don't take it too lightly.", Zarbon warned.

"Hn… fine. I'll take those friggin sleeping pills. What's my next order?", Kakarotto asked, not liking the theme of curses at all.

Zarbon sighed: "Time for your medications.", he didn't notice the Saiya-jin pale.

~* Hearing your name the memories come back again. I remember when it started happening, I'd see you in every thought I had and then the thoughts slowly found words attached to them. And I knew as they escaped away I was committing myself to them and every day I regret saying those things, cause now I see that I took what I hated and made it a part of me. (It never goes away, it never goes away.) *~

"Oi, what do we have here?"

Terrible laughter followed the mocking sentence. Somebody picked him up by his tail, making him wince in pain. The person squeezed his sensitive appendage, then he whirled him around and smacked him against the next best thing he found: An old wooden wall. Above all unluckiness, a few rusty nails were pointing outwards. With full power the small Saiyajin was knocked against the wall, the nails tore through his flesh and he couldn't restrain the pain stricken scream that was wrenched from his throat: "**EYAAAAAA!**"

Torture. Painful, mocking torture. Slowly tearing apart. He couldn't take this any longer. Death. He could smell it. It was so near. But it didn't take him. Mocked and teased him, waiting for him to kill himself. But he wouldn't. There was one thing that kept him alive. The only word he could say: "Nikushimi…"

The torture before his medications was always the same. After he had taken his pain killer, the other soldiers would mock and torture him and Zarbon or Dodoria were nowhere around to protect him from them. Always the same. He had gotten used to it… but still… he couldn't get used to the pain and blacked out.

~* And now you've become a part of me, you'll always be right here. You've become a part of me, you'll always be my fear. I can't separate myself from what I've done. I've given up a part of me. I've let myself become you. *~

A white room with several creatures running around hastily, mainly gathering around a cage. Kakarotto was trapped within, looking around frantically for a way out like a caged animal that was about to be slaughtered: "No! Don't!!"

But they didn't understand his language. So they just gave him a shot, ignoring his screams and pleas. They didn't know what would happen after the substance took its toll on the boy. But they couldn't care less. He was just another object to test their substances.

The boy whimpered: "No… no…", and the substance slowly started to work, he felt his insides clench and his heart burn: "**STOP!!!!!**"

Kakarotto trashed around the cage and the creatures stepped back in fear. The Saiya-jin let out a cry of pain and gripped his clothes were his heart was. It's beat was running fast, much too fast and in his ears he heard a buzzing sound as the calls of the creatures around him were blocked out.

"… body …"

He looked up in surprise. All sounds were blocked out, all but one. Only the eerie dark and cold voice…

"… Give me your body."

He shook his head, trying to stop imagining things.

"… I can give you power and might, but give me your body in return. Give it to me!"

Power. Only power could destroy Freezer. __

~* It never goes away… It never goes away… It never goes away… it never goes away! Get away from me! Gimme my space back, you gotta just go. Everything comes down to memories of you. I've kept it in but now I'm letting you know, I've let you go. So get away from me! Gimme my space back, you gotta just go. Everything comes down to memories of you. I've kept it in but now I'm letting you know, I've let you go. *~

Freezer looked at the cage: "So sad…"

Zarbon sighed. He seemed to do that a lot lately. Kakarotto, according to the medics, was dead. 

The medics opened the top of the prison and leaned down to take Kakarotto out. Something behind them started beeping and the looked up. Kakarotto was alive?

Emerald green eyes flashed open and Zarbon suddenly felt a wave of fear overcome him: "Freezer-sama… Kakarotto… he… come Freezer-sama! We have to get out of here!", without even waiting for an answer, Zarbon fetched his master and rushed out of the room, just in time.

A loud explosion erupted from the medical test room and Zarbon looked up in fear. 

"Are you scared of me, Zarbon?"

The green-skinned alien looked up to see Kakarotto. Nothing had changed, but an unbelievable power surrounded the child suddenly. A dark power. Darker than Freezer himself. Kakarotto lifted his head and glared down on Freezer with emotionless cold emerald eyes: "Freezer…", pure hatred sounded in his voice: "Your destiny is fulfilled. Enjoy the last moments of your last victory… because you yourself have gave the command to self-destroy your kingdom!"

Kakarotto started to disappear and left nothing behind, but a shocked Freezer, a trembling Zarbon and a halfway destroyed ship.

~* And now you've become a part of me, you'll always be right here. You've become a part of me, you'll always be my fear. I can't separate myself from what I've done. I've given up a part of me. I've let myself become you. I've let myself become you. I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you. Giving up a part of me, I've let myself become you. *~

~*~~*~

Phew!! Wow… Kakarotto gave in to… what the hell was that anyway?

 **Highly important note to the chapter:** Kakarotto didn't transform into a Super Saiya-jin. It's kinda like the Ultra Saiya-jin, a step between Super Saiya-jin one and two. In this case, the whole medicine and substances taken in regularly created a mutation, that looks like a step between a normal Saiya-jin and a Super Saiya-jin one. It's simply because the most substances didn't fit together in some kind of way. Let's put it simple, they gave him two totally opposite substances and these two opposites canceled each other's flaws out, meaning they equal a extremely powerful substance. In this case, the substance creates some psychic abilities and awakens ancient power. There… very hard to explain, but I hope you understood a bit.

To all ye faithful:

(From chapter 3) **Princess of despair:** *blush* Anoo… thank you very much. The songs of LP are very well written… there's no way they are like written for something just like this fic. Let's just say I work hard to simplify the lyrics into a story. XD

(From chapter 3) **Jax:** Ay, ay, Capt'n!

**minna-sama no megami:** O.o… uh… wow… wish I could do that… but I'm not good at learning languages, but oh well. ^^ Some things you have, some you don't, that's the way it is.

**Schizophrenic Eggplant:** Thanks for reading on, even if the Japanese dialogue was quite scary… sorry, I couldn't resist it, it was on purpose though. It would be quite unrealistic if Saiya-jins speak the exact same language as Chikyuu-jin, so I decided on letting the Chikyuu-jin speak English and let the Saiya-jin (and some other races of that quadrant) speak Japanese (I admit, I was too lazy to invent a language.). But calling this a gem… I feel very, very honored. Anywayz, nobody knows the true heritage of Saiya-jins, so I'm damn lucky (I would have never wanted to accept another reasoning, because I'm proud of mine). Actually, you don't 'need' to listen to the Meteora album. It would be just nicer, because you know how the song goes. Okay, I'm starting to ramble… XD. Thank you for your review and explaining a bit why you like the fic! (Very little peeps do that.)

**child of theirs:** I hope you didn't get too large bags under the eyes from waiting. I started on the chapter y-day already, but got stuck on the scene where Zarbon throws the woman onto the floor. After a ep. Of Yugi-oh tough, I work a lot better. XD You'll be getting to see the most different angles of Gokou here. On one side, he's a strong hero with a god as ancestor and he KNOWS that people honor him for that (get's him a bit cocky). On the other hand, he's suffering and sometimes you might wonder if he has an alter ego (a scary alter ego to that). But then… in the end, he's going to be different again! @@… *confused herself now*

Luv ya all and R&R please! (I always thought R&R is some kind of restaurant…)

Buh-huy,

Melli        
  



	6. Faint

You know what guys, err, and gals? This fic is fun to write!! I never had so much fun with a fic before! It allows me to play around with all my ideas I ever had before. Like Gokou with a sword, Gokou killing people, Gokou having a sister, the Clans and… yeah… lot's of other things. Especially the Clan thingy I like. I even wrote a few info's about them. If you guys want I'll send it to ya, just tell me in a review and leave your mail behind. I'll make sure it get's to you. ^^

**Disclaimer:** We've been over this five times already…

**Sixth chapter song:** Faint – Linkin Park, Meteora

**Chapter VI – Faint**

****

~* I am: little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard, handful of complaints, but I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars. I am: what I want you to want, what I want you to feel, but it's like no matter what I do I can't convince you to just believe this is real. So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do. Face away and pretend that I'm not, but I'll be here, 'cause you're all I got. ~*

Vegeta-O Sendosha (King Vegeta) viewed his way through the reports, as he always did by the end of the day. This was the twenty-fifth year of war against Freezer and a feeling in his gut told him that this would be the last year. Proudly he noticed that upon all reports stood the simple word: Accomplished. Every mission, every battle… it was won by the Saiya-jins, unlike the many years before the 'Ancient five', meaning the last five years and the five ancient ancestors. At last he came to the last document: the daily 'Black blood'. He knew very well from whom this report came and he also knew that the details of the mission were gruesome, even for a Saiya-jin. 

The king sighed. Five years since Kakarotto had come to him and the project Forbidden had begun. The project was quite hard work and needed many spies and allies in the Freezer Alliance, which they had. It had been planned for years already, they just hadn't found the right person to perform the missions. They had needed a powerful and emotionless killing machine and just when thought everything was lost, the needed person had appeared, even if it was quite surprising. The eldest of the leftover Satsugaisha-Clan, Kakarotto. 

Freezer had created a killer to destroy others, but in the end, he would have himself destroyed with the very same killer he had worked so hard on creating. Vegeta-O smirked at the prospect.

The eldest Sendosha opened the black envelope and pulled out the neatly folded report. He was always surprised that the nine-year-old Satsugaisha had such a fine and extraordinary neat handwriting. But the writer himself was quite an enigma. On the outside, the child seemed to be a perfectly fine young warrior, even though he was a very silent demeanor. But when he was lured into battle… the king shuddered at the thought. Never would he have thought to fear someone, let alone a mere child. But within this child wasn't a childish soul. There was a blackened, technically advanced soul, without any emotion or whatsoever and whenever a battle took place, Kakarotto would just present his soul, his true self:

A wild, fierce and cruel killing machine, with the knowledge of a very cunning and strategic warrior. It was very uncharacteristic for a child, but his past explained many things along with his altered D.N.S. 

Even though the whole project was a secret, Kakarotto was not and the entire race stood behind him, cheering for him like for a hero. Never before had a Satsugaisha gained so much, since the Satsugaisha-Clan was well known for it's anti-social demeanor. But Kakarotto still kept to the typical characteristic of his Clan and kept within the castle walls, not stepping out if not requested from the king himself. But still… everybody knew him and his mission and since they didn't know his name, they gave him a very fitting pseudonym: The green-eyed Phoenix, description of his state while in battle and his untamable spirit. He always returned, whatever happened. Like the Phoenix returns from the ashes.        

~*I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored. Time won't heal this damage anymore, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored.*~

The preparations were running high as the countdown towards the final hour came. Kakarotto, usually the perfect picture of a calm before a storm, was flitting around obviously nervous. His tail had unlatched itself from his waist and was already making cracking sounds, stating the momentary feeling of the young Saiya-jin. 

Vegeta-O watched in slight amusement, enjoying the sight. It wasn't everyday that a Satsugaisha became nervous. He propped his head onto his hand and chuckled: "Cool it, Kakarotto. You're making me laugh at your nervous antics and a moment like this shouldn't actually be funny."

The boy stopped and sighed, wrapping his tail around his waist again: "I'm not sure I can do this."

"What, getting scared on your last assignment?", Vegeta-O asked curiously.

"No.", Kakarotto admitted: "But you know that I hold a very personal grudge towards that bisexual bastard."

The king chuckled at the insult: "You know you shouldn't say the double B at your age. It disturbs my other soldiers."

"As if I give a damn.", Kakarotto snarled: "You know very well what happens when I literally loose my common sense and I have the feeling that just seeing Freezer will make me snap!"

Oh yes, and how the king knew. He had once reminded the hot-tempered boy of the death of his mother and the child turned from a peaceful, obedient warrior to a very choleric and vicious tiger. His eyes had quite the characteristics of a demon when they changed their color, showing in what mood the young warrior was. The child had nearly sliced ten soldiers their heads clear off in his sudden mood-swing and that was something Vegeta-O never wanted to encounter with ever again, since the child had a tendency to kill people when agitated long enough.

A soldier ushered by and saluted the king: "Ohayoo your highness. I received message from one of our spies that Freezer has been lastly seen heading towards his chambers."

"Thank you, soldier. But for the sake of your life, I think you should have really told that spit-fire right next to you instead of me.", Vegeta-O pointed out amused.

The soldier turned just in time to see a very angered Satsugaisha, eyes already flashing emerald and tail whipping around dangerously: "How many times do I have to MENTION that I'm the one carrying out these missions and not Vegeta-O!!! DAMN IT!! BAKAYARO!"

Suddenly the soldier was scared off by a mass of ki blasts mixed with very real looking fireballs. The king hadn't joked about calling Kakarotto a spitfire… he literally was. The boy had found a way to heat his ki so high that it turned to fire, but he rarely used the ability. When he did though, he used it to express is anger. 

"You are very high-strung today, Kakarotto… I never thought to see your temper THAT short.", the king noticed.

A snarl was the only answer he got.

~* I am: a little bit insecure, a little unconfident, 'cause you don't understand I do what I can, but sometimes I don't make sense. I am: what you never wanted to say, but I've never had a doubt, it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, for once just hear me out. So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do. Face away and pretend that I'm not, but I'll be here, 'cause you're all I got.*~

The crowd stood perfectly still, waiting for the news. It had been one hour since the final battle had begun and still no news was broadcasted at the moment. Everybody was high-strung, sometimes a fight would break out somewhere in the crowd ending in a mass hospitalization (as it was typical for Saiya-jins when they get together). 

Suddenly Vegeta-O stepped onto the balcony of the palace, allowing everyone to see him. A loud roar of approval went through the whole crowd as they saw him grin like an idiot. He spread out his arms: "My people!! I have news from the battlefront!! Freezer's armies have been defeated successfully!!"

The crowd was going crazy now, completely glad that the war was one step closer of being over. Now they only needed the news of the assassination of Freezer and then, for the first time since thousands of years, the entire Saiya-jin population would be happy at the same moment for the same thing. 

A few pointed towards the sky and everybody turned to see a boy flying over to Vegeta-O and landing. The rest they couldn't see, due to the small size of the boy. Everything went silent again. Only hushed whispers could be heard. Hushed whispers identifying the Clan of the boy: Satsugaisha.

Vegeta-O grinned even broader and the boy leaped upwards for everyone to see. His gleaming green eyes scanned the crowd, then he produced a bag from behind his back and let the cloth fall. A head. But it wasn't any head. It was Freezer's head.

Nobody knew how it started, but suddenly everybody had started howling or roaring in the traditional Saiya-jin way to pay his or her respects. For the first time in Saiya-jin history, the Forbidden Clan was praised. The whole crowd called out the names of the Clans who had accomplished this. The two Clans, befriended since even before the legend of the Saiya-jin. The Forbidden Clan and the Royal Clan. Praised together in appreciation. 

Vegeta-O grinned, very glad that the war was over. But still, when he glanced over at Kakarotto, he was reminded of the prize given for the ultimate score. Innocent lives had paid and one boy would never feel love again. One boy would never grow up like all the others, never stop dreaming of death and blood. Only one boy… the boy who had killed the most powerful space tyrant. A hero, a person who was actually destined to be praised by others and tell his children of his deeds. A haunted and scarred hero.

And above all… the hero knew his fate… and mourned his loss… silently… painfully silent.

~* I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored. Time won't heal this damage anymore, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored.*~

Soft knocks came from the door and Reiko looked up from her stew: "Cha-chan, would you please get that?"

"Hai, Oba-san!", the now five-year-old girl replied happily and opened the door. The one standing there sent pure shock through her body: "… Ni… Onii-chan…?"

"Ohayoo, Chibi.", Kakarotto nodded courtly: "May I come in?"

"Ha… Hai!", Cha stepped aside and let her elder brother in, not really knowing what else to do at the moment.

Kakarotto looked around the house. Nothing had changed. He turned to his sister: "Chibi, I'll talk to Oba-san first, then we'll talk okay?"

The girl nodded briefly and her brother stepped into the kitchen: "Ohayoo, Oba-san."

Reiko let her spoon drop and whirled around: "KAKAROTTO!"

"Hai, it's me.", the boy replied: "I won't be staying long. I only want to ask you a favor."

Reiko just nodded and sat down at the kitchen table: "What do you request, wild one?"

Kakarotto didn't take a seat, but looked at her sharply: "Swear you will never let any harm come towards the chosen of the Satsugaisha-Clan. Swear that you will care for the chosen like for your child."

"But… Kakarotto… aren't you…", Reiko wondered.

"I am the eldest of the Clan now, Reiko-oba-san. I feel I am not worthy of the position, so I'm passing it to Cha.", Kakarotto explained: "Swear it!"

For a brief moment, Reiko hesitated. But… she and her family were the only family Cha had next to her brother, so she nodded: "Hai, Satsugaisha-san. I swear by my blood, I will never let any harm come to the child. I will care for her like for my own daughter."

The wild one retreated from the kitchen: "Tell her when she is thirteen and is looking for her Nii-chan… tell her that I'm on Chikyuu-sei."

"Hai, I will."

"Thank you."

Cha appeared next to her brother and beamed at him: "It's so great to have you back, Nii-chan!"

"Cha…"

She noticed the serious tone in his voice and blinked: "Huh?"

Suddenly she was pulled into a hug. Something inside told her that this wasn't right. This wasn't a brotherly hug… it almost felt… like… goodbye: "Nii-chan?"

Kakarotto held her at arm length and looked into her eyes: "Chibi, your Nii-chan is going away for a very long time. I know you don't understand… but when you're older, you will, believe me. Just… don't forget me, Chibi… as I will never forget my beautiful sister.", and for the first time, after so many years… he smiled: "I love you, Chibi. Never forget that.", he tied the chain holding the Phoenix dragoon (the sign of the Satsugaisha-Clan) around her neck. He disappeared, just to see his sister shed her first tear of sadness.  

~* No! Hear me out now, you're gonna listen to me, like it or not. Right now! Hear me out now, you're gonna listen to me, like it or not. Right now! *~

He reappeared in the throne room and bowed to his king: "Your highness… I am ready to leave the planet."

Vegeta-O stood: "Good… your pod is ready."

"Thank you for your kindness.", again Kakarotto bowed.

"Stop bowing, wild one… you make me feel like a bloated up balloon.", Vegeta-O joked, but then he stepped down from his throne and stood before the boy. Suddenly, to the surprise of all soldiers in the room, he dropped onto his knee before Kakarotto and hugged him: "I will never forget what you have done for Vegeta-sei, Kakarotto… no… Satsugaisha-san. Thank you.", he let go of the boy, who gave him one last nod and turned away: "Sayonara, Vegeta-O."

"Sayonara, Kakarotto… and take care."         
~*I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored. I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored. Time won't heal this damage anymore, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored. I can't feel, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored. Time won't heal, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored.*~

~*~~*~

Welpies! That cuts the Memory Arc! I thought I would become longer, but in the end I wanted to process to the Heiwa Arc, that means Memory Arc ISN'T the longest Arc! XP I didn't get any reviews yet because I brought out chapter 5 just a few hours ago, but never mind… I like writing this… XD. Hope I can get to the Cha Arc soon… maybe I should replace the Heiwa Arc with the Cha Arc? Whaddya say?… Okay, I actually made my mind up already XD. 

R&R!

Buh-huy,

Melli 


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